And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
