If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
