Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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