i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
