Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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