You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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