Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
