I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
