I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize