now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
