Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
