You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
