so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
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I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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