you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
