well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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