I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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