dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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