WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
