Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We left the knife in your bed.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
