She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Couch. On fire.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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