Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
