when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Randomize
