If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
