I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
