It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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