I'm passing your future prison.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
