There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
