4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
