I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
