i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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