people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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