She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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