one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
