I wish I could punch you in the face.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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