hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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