you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
