theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
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New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
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I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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