i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
