I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just pee around me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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