I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
