you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
