We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
