There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just threw up on my dentist
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
sarcasm needs its own font
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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