I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
