she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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