i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
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I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
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So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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