I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We left an ass print on the piano.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
