Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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