my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
