I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
