You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
