Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
