I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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