May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We are all done wearing pants today
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
