i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
