Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
