Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
