People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
