i need an iv and a liver transplant
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
